Still Learning How to Fly ~ Prologue: "Oops!"

Ken Painter By Ken Painter, 9th Sep 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1db-8lks/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Biography & Autobiography

At 62 years old my life has taken more twists and turns than many mountain paths, and since adulthood by my own hand. Over the next few weeks each day I plan to post a small portion of the 1st draft of my recently completed memoir. John Grisham couldn't make this stuff up!

Still Learning How to Fly ~ Prologue: "Oops!"

St. Patrick’s Day … 2005



“Are you gay?”

My wife had asked me this question once some years before . . . jokingly, and since she wasn’t completely serious in her asking of the question I hadn’t felt compelled to tell her the truth as I understood it at the time. However, I always felt dirty for not having done so, and I had vowed that if ever asked the question again I’d be honest. She wasn’t joking this time.

“I believe so, gay or at least bisexual.” I answered this last part to help soften my answer, but in all honest truth, at this juncture I wasn’t exactly certain myself where I stood on the Kinsey Scale since I’d never even so much as kissed a man. All I knew of me was in my head and heart.

Up to this point her voice had only been quiet and shaky, but now the tears had really begun to flow, and the scene I had been playing only in my mind and had been cowardly avoiding for years began unfolding before me in our den.

“But how can you say that after all these years? And why do you have all those pictures of naked men on your computer? How can you do this to me?”

Ah, that’s what finally prompted this! My computer password must have failed somehow, or I got careless, but then she really didn’t have to look if she didn’t really want to know. Some wives don’t, so I understand. Oh well, perhaps it’s better this way.

“I’m really sorry, honey, that you had to find out this way,” I mumbled.

“Do I have any diseases? Do I need to get checked or anything?”

“No. You may not believe this, but I’ve never cheated on you. Not once! Never even so much as kissed a man. That’s why . . . all the pictures. Oh yeah, I want to! But I never, I swear!” I even held up my right hand in the Boy Scouts sign, but I didn’t say ‘Scout’s Honor’ even though I was thinking it.

“So you say!”

“Well, I can’t prove it to you, I know, but God knows.” I felt it necessary to invoke the Almighty here, because it was true, and I had nothing to lose, because I was on solid ground. I was not lying. “And if it makes any difference to you, to prove my point I’ll get rid of the naked men pictures.”

I’d been sitting in the computer chair during this entire ordeal while she’d been sitting a mere eight feet away on the den sofa. I simply turned around to the desktop screen, punched a few keys, and less the ten seconds later a half dozen folders of nude male photos were gone for good. Trashed and smashed.

“How do I know they’re gone?

“Come here and I’ll show you.” I showed her, and I showed her the Recycle Bin.

“That still doesn’t change the fact that you’re gay.”

“Yeah, well, what am I gonna do?

Her face remained swollen and red, but her sniffling had slowed. “I’ve got to think about all of this.” She ran out of the room to the other end of the house and our bedroom. “Do NOT come in here,” she yelled behind her, and I did not. I wouldn’t have dared! She shored up in that room for the next three days.

I cowered in the guest room.





Part One










Growing


Up


Different

(To be continued . . . with the next installment which traces the history of my family and its roots and my earliest years).


Link to next installment . . . http://nut.bz/402v6zlc/

Tags

Autobiography, Child Abuse, Childhood, Childhood Memories, Coming Of Age, Coming Out, Coming Out Of The Closet, Gay, Gay Community, Gay Experience, Gay Lesbian And Bisexual, Gay Men, Gays, Glbt, Lgbt, Memoir, Memories, Memories From Childhood, Non-Fiction, Serial, Series, True Stories, True Story

Meet the author

author avatar Ken Painter
Retired Chicago public school teacher. Singer, songwriter, musician, author, & opinionated old curmudgeon. Married to my husband & living in Colorado, USA. Also a father & grandfather.

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Comments

author avatar drrajeevddn
9th Sep 2013 (#)

Nice Post My Friend :)

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author avatar Ken Painter
9th Sep 2013 (#)

Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it. Lots more to come.

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author avatar Stella Mitchell
10th Sep 2013 (#)

That sounds like a sad dilemma to be in Ken . I hope you and your wife are coping okay.
Bless you
Stella

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author avatar Ken Painter
10th Sep 2013 (#)

Thanks for you comment, Stella. I appreciate it. As you see the real-life drama play out over the next few weeks, (and if you check out my online bio for Wikinut, I'm now remarried to a man) she and I eventually divorced), however it went well with us, and even though we leave two time zones apart, we remain close. After three decades of marriage, we still share an ESP that we still can't quite figure out. LOL

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author avatar John Armstrong
31st Dec 2013 (#)

What a crock of whiny bullshit. He's a worthless fag that destroyed his own family for the taste of cock. Pathetic.

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author avatar Kingwell
3rd Feb 2014 (#)

Hi Ken, As you know if you read the comment, I started out with Chapter 17 but I've finally found part one and will continue from here. You were brave to come out to your wife like that and it must have been difficult for both of you. I hope you will take a look at the story that I am writing now. Although it is fiction there is a lot of true events in it.

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author avatar Ken Painter
4th Feb 2014 (#)

I will look at your story Kingwell. I'd be most happy to. As you get into mine, you'll find that that's what I did first was write a fictionalized version first many years ago with some true events in it (though somewhat embellished). This however is unvarnished.

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