Tests & Trials of Faith

daisuki By daisuki, 1st Jun 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

God uses challenges time and time again, whether He has caused them, or in his power allowed them to happen, to show us we need Him.

God Saved My Life

I have faced some challenges in my life. Challenges, I repeatedly ask why I am given.

Well, there was a point when my life was flowing along smoothly, I certainly cannot ask for more. Then I started to get very comfortable that I began neglecting the most fundamental meaning of one’s life — spiritual growth through church and prayer.

In the end, I have forgotten to praise God when I wake up every morning. I forgot to thank him for his blessings, comfort and protection as I go through the day. I began to turn my focus on earthly things instead of God above. Then, just when I thought that nothing could go wrong, I hit rock bottom. Suddenly, my life was shattered, crumbling before my eyes. I was soon grieving. Many times I asked “Why God, why?” “Why me?” “What have I done wrong to deserve this?” I also asked Him, “Have I not suffered enough?”

You see, in my case my life crumbled two years ago. I went through a period of great depression. I will not elaborate it further since it is a delicate topic and I do not want to remember it anymore. That depression, if you have never experience that, I don't think you can ever fully understand what it's like. But it was a period of no hope. All I can see was darkness. There was no light. It was cold and black. I was at the center of that dilemma, alone.

Well, yeah, I might have a family who love me dearly, but none of that matters during that time. It was a never-ending despair that I decided to go to any lengths just to stop the mental torment. How to die became the next big question for me. So over and over in my mind I had planned my own death. No one in my life knew it, not my mother nor my father, my sister, or any of my friends. On the outside I looked just like everyone else, but on the inside I wanted to desperately leave this world. It became my preferred reality. I lost all hope and faith in God. I rejected all comfort and advice being given by my family. I started isolating myself from the world, my family, and especially from God. That time, it was my only escape from the life I was living.

One day I knew it was time. I was ready to change my reality. I really felt worthless, and I knew that the best thing I can do is slash my wrists and let all of that blood of mine flow out. The depression that I have was the hardest I have ever been through. That's why the thoughts of suicide were overwhelming. I was certainly numb. But, then I heard my inner self saying, "I can't kill myself because I belong to Jesus. Jesus loves me." With that, I was suddenly torn between continuing my fatal attempt or not. Then, finally, I made this cry for His help (even for one last time).

I said "Almighty God … if you are listening and you are real, take this pain away, forgive me and help me forgive myself."

Then suddenly out of the blue, there was such a serenity surrounding me, warmth that radiated through me. I felt a huge weight lift from me. I do not know what happened. Actually, it was a mystery for me back then. All I was certain were two things: that I had been forgiven and that God is real! At that very moment the thought of suicide attempt vanished. I realized that death by suicide was not only a sin but it was wrong. I could have been created as a rock or tree but to be born as a human was the greatest gift by God. So why waste it with that unscrupulous thought, I reflected.

God saved my life. Praise be to Him. Without the Lord, I don't even want to know how horrible my life could have been. Maybe I am buried six-feet under; unable to tell you this miracle of Him in my existence. Life is indeed beautiful.

Undeniably, God gave me another chance to straighten up my life by tossing up my wallowing contemplation on the deep ocean of depression. So even until now I constantly ask for his forgiveness. Forgiveness for involuntarily allowing Satan to have an inch of control of me. God made me remembered my faith. He was just waiting on me, waiting on me to ask for Him.

Eventually, things began to brighten. I am praising God for saving me. The sudden changes in my life were amazing. I had gained my strength back; I became the strong individual that God had intended. My life started to get easier. I started to put my life back together again while thanking God for the many blessings in my life: for my peace, for my family, for my life.

When I faced that obscurity in my life, I forgot that there is tranquility waiting for me. I was lost, distracted, depressed, dejected, etc. But God reached down and pulled me up. He loved me, even though I had that horrible thing on my mind. God was only waiting for me to open up my heart to receive Him genuinely. With that, I am proud to be in front of you; a living proof that God exists and actively works in each and everyone’s lives.

Therefore, when I face life’s ambiguity and doubt again, I know that I can overcome them with the comprehension that I have a big God, big enough to trust him with everything. Jesus never left me stranded in a trial and He’ll never leave you stranded too. So no matter what is going on around you, no matter how huge and mind-boggling your problem is, expect that God is in control. And you’re going to come out of your situation exultant. Believe me, I have been there :)

Tags

Challenges In Life, Gods Love, Suicidal Thoughts

Meet the author

author avatar daisuki
I am a product of my environment. A very kind and gentle person, given the situations I have been and all the people fate has presented me. I like who I am, and am proud of the woman I have become.

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Comments

author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
2nd Jun 2014 (#)

When I feel low down, I think of many who have nothing, do not know where their next meal is going to come from, but living contentedly. Life should have ups and downs for rich variety. Thanks for this uplifting share, Daisuki - siva

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