The Adventures Of Officer Will I. Ketchum-Halloween Patrol

Chip Greene By Chip Greene, 31st Jul 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Short Stories

Will goes on patrol on Halloween for 16 straight hours. A couple of famous characters that he met.

Halloween Patrol

Officer Will was on patrol on Halloween night. Too old to go trick-or-treating, Will decided to work a double shift from 4 P.M. until 8 A.M. Working on Halloween is always interesting as all the nuts are out and about and there was a good chance of making arrests which usually led to easy overtime in court appearances.


At approximately 2200 hours, (cops use military time), officer Will spied a car slightly weaving its way down one of the main drags in town. Flipping on the cruisers flashing blue lights, Will pulled the car over. He called his stop in to headquarters and exited his cruiser. When he got up to the open driver's side window of the car he immediately detected the odor of alcoholic beverage coming from the vehicle's interior. Alcohol has no odor so cops are trained to say, "alcoholic beverage", for testifying in court. Upon obtaining the operator's license and registration Will had the driver step out of the vehicle. Too his amazement Will found that he pulled over Superman.
Superman was well muscled and filled out his full costume well enough to make Christopher Reeve jealous. Officer Will put Superman through the full battery of field sobriety tests and determined that he was borderline drunk. It was lucky for Superman that Will knew his true identity. They'd been classmates at Anywhere, USA high school. Will remember that Superman had been a weightlifter in high school and an all-around good guy. Will gave Superman the benefit of the doubt and sent him on his way.


10 hours into his double shift, at approximately 0200 will decided to drive the circuit of the highway that ran through the town. He soon found himself behind a window van weaving all over the highway at only 10 mph. With the cruisers lights engaged the van finally pulled over after about a half mile pursuit. When Will walked up to the driver's side window he found the operator passed out and slumped over the steering wheel. Shining his flashlight on the man Will was horrified to see that he appeared to be covered in blood. His face and hands were all red! Will quickly opened the driver's door and checked him to find that what he thought was blood was only makeup. Looking closer will realize that he just bagged Satan. Old Beelzebub must've been having a hell of a good time with his fellow demons because the inside of the van reeked of booze. It took a couple of minutes to wake the driver up. Once Satan was out of the van Will quickly realized that the Lord of Darkness was incapable of performing a sobriety test on the side of the highway. For safety reasons officer Will quickly made the arrest and bundled Satan up for the trip to headquarters to be booked for operating a motor vehicle while being under the influence of alcohol. The boys at headquarters had a good laugh when they saw this character. You see, he was in full satanic attire but, had put his regular pants on over his costume. The funny part was that his long devils tail was sticking out of the bottom of one of his pant legs.
Satan blew three times the legal limit when he took the breathalyzer test. He was summarily convicted in court, paid the required finds, and was admitted into an alcohol awareness program.
So Superman and Satan both got lucky that night. Superman, because his true identity was discovered and Satan, because it wouldn't have been much longer before he was in a ditch somewhere on the side of the road.
Happy Halloween!


Drunk Driving, Satan, Superman

Meet the author

author avatar Chip Greene
I am a retired police officer, baseball enthusiast, political junkie, and published writer.
My articles will focus on crime, politics, and baseball.

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author avatar Retired
1st Aug 2014 (#)

Such a fun article. You must have a thousand tales. Thanks for your service.

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author avatar Chip Greene
1st Aug 2014 (#)

Tank you Susan. 1001!

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