The Bed: Circa 2005

hotcheetos By hotcheetos, 14th Jun 2016 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Poetry>History

Something I wrote a long time ago not long after my ex wife left me. It was one of the most difficult periods in my life.

The Bed: Circa 2005

I still sleep on my side of the bed.
I have this king size bed all to myself
and I still stay on my side.
It feels strange
if I even start to venture to the middle
or worse yet
"her" old side of the bed.
I remember not long after she left
and I was falling apart
you know
on my hands and knees
in the shower crying so hard
that after about an hour
I would start to wretch
but nothing was coming up
because I hadn't eaten in days.
I would walk into the bedroom
and stand there for a moment
looking at "her" empty side of the bed.
I would lay down on "her" side of the bed
and bury my face in "her" pillow
so I could smell her there.
I didn't wash that pillow case for months.
It was stained with my tears.
After some time I did wash "her" pillow case.
I can't smell her there anymore
and I have no desire to.
I realized that I had stopped
in the middle of the road
that was my life
and I wasn't moving forward anymore.
I was too busy looking back
looking back as far as I could see.
And on top of all that
I had a huge pile of rocks in my arms.
Pieces of a life that I no longer had
that I just couldn't seem to let go of.
I realized I was going to die
right there in the middle of the road
if I didn't do something.
And soon.
So I dropped the rocks
turned around and started walking.
Slowly at first.
Even reluctantly.
How could I let go of all that I ever knew?
I didn't have a choice.
It was either that or sit down and die.
I had more than just myself to think about.
I had a son.
He needed me.
His mother had abandoned not only me
but him as well
and I couldn't just leave him alone.
It was time to step up. Let go. Move on.
Make the best of the situation.
Find someone who would care about me and my son.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not looking for a mother for him.
I'm looking for a friend.
Someone with the courage to delve into the deepest parts of me
and not shy away.
There was a gigantic void when she left.
I wanted so badly to find something
or someone to fill it. But I knew it would be a mistake.
Now the void has turned into a horizon again.
I know somewhere out there
as I head toward that horizon
there is someone waiting on this road for me.
I'm going to take her hand
ask her if she wants to take a walk with me
and tell her I don't know where this road will lead
but I'm willing to walk it with her.
I'm willing to face whatever life may throw our way
and not back down. But right now it's just me and my son.
And that's perfectly okay.
Because he's one of the most fascinating
and funniest people I know.


Poem, Poetry

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