The Morning after Dark
The power of perseverance goes a long way. This is a personal experience I'd like to share that I think people can somewhat relate to.
Even though I get low, I stay strong.
I would like to take you back to what was a... interesting point in my life. Simply put, it was the worst stage in my life.
Before this point, I was a very optimistic person with idealistic beliefs. I listened to both sides of an argument before I make a decision, and had people come to me for advice, that sort kind of guy.
Well, that was until life gave me a couple of haymakers all in the span of a year and a half:
•My mother passed on
•I couldn’t find employment
•My business failed
•I developed an addiction to alcohol and heroin
•I ended up sleeping on streets with nothing more than two bags. One which had a couple of shirts, and a rundown pair of trousers, whereas the other had my sleeping bag, and a tarpaulin.
Make no mistake, I was trying my best by trying to motivate myself and keeping positive that I’ll learn from my previous setbacks, that I'll get stronger, and that I can continue but when things all collapse on you in such a way, it just kills you within.
Such events force you to sit and think about how you wish you could have changed your past decisions, your future, but nothing seems to help, which just made things seem more hopeless.
I became angrier and fed up with life. It was disheartening seeing people around me seemingly achieve their goals, while I was there wasting away and letting everyone down.
All these caused me to just kind of... give up on life. I came to the decision that with everything I had done, and with my future looking so bleak, life just wasn’t worth living, so I just gave up.
I remember that on one night, I was sleeping on a dirt road alongside a train station, partly hidden from sight when it started raining like a motherfucker. In all this rain, I just wanted to use it as an opportunity to cry all my sorrow away but I just couldn’t. So I just silently lay there, in the middle of a torrential downpour getting drenched, staring into the distance.
The best way to describe that feeling was that it was like something had taken control of my soul. Like the deepest, most distant emptiness had wrested control of my heart.
Shit was real.
So there I was, down on my luck and contemplating ending things when one day, I happened to see a colony of ants working on an anthill that had been swept. I thought to myself, if these ants could gather the strength to rebuild their home, then so can I.
I wouldn't say that I've turned things around so much as I've managed to keep going. I still occasionally suffer from depression. I still owe more money than I'll ever be able to pay back and I’ve accepted that I won’t reach dreams I had earlier set but I feel that I have been through too much to just give up and that I owe it to myself to give this life thing another shot.
Life may be full of failure, disappointment, hardship, pain and fear and you WILL experience most, if not all of these.
But once you choose to move forward rather than sit still, you have succeeded in life by any important measure.