The Second Reason

Phyl Campbell By Phyl Campbell, 28th Jun 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>General Fiction

This is a second installment of _Twenty-five Reasons Why Charlie Should Never Read Jane's Books to Jane_. I hope you enjoy it!

From 25 Reasons Why Charlie Should Never Read Jane's Books to Jane

In the first installment of 25 Reasons, Charlie was reading Jane's romance book to Jane with less-than-desired results. If you missed the first reason, return to THE FIRST REASON. In this installment, Charlie decides to don some new attire for Jane.
I am publishing these episodes as they come to me, give or take a little editing. If and when I publish 25 Reasons, Reason 1 might become Reason 18, and Reason 3 might be Reason 20. But just know for now, it is what it is and I hope you enjoy the silliness!

The Second Reason

“Honey,” Charlie called from the bedroom. “I could really use your help in here.”
“I can help Dad.” Seth said.
“No, son!” Charlie barked. “I mean, no – I really need your mother.”
“Mom!” Seth yelled down the stairs. “Dad got his junk stuck in his zipper again!”
Charlie would have cheerfully strangled his only son, but that would mean leaving the safety of the bedroom, which he was ill-prepared to do at the moment.
A frazzled Jane appeared at the bottom of the stairs, one hand over the mouthpiece of the phone. “What? We need to leave here in 15 minutes. Are you about ready?”
“Dad needs you. And all I need is my shoes…”
“Well, find them and put them on your feet, we’ve got to go if we’re going to swing by the bank before we meet the Paisleys for dinner. Are you seriously wearing that?”
Jane spoke into phone. “Hey, sweetie, let me call you back tomorrow… I know, I know. Never a dull moment around here, either. Love you, too.” She hit “end” on the cell phone as she climbed up the stairs. “You know, I think those stairs must have a Jacob’s Ladder in there or something. It always seems like there are more of them anytime I – Charlie, what the hell are you wearing?”
Charlie’s cheeks and ear blazed bright red. “Shut the door, please! Seth does not need to see this!”
“We need to be in the car and leaving! We have to go to the bank and then to dinner --”
“Dinner was tomorrow night,” Charlie panted – happy to be right and yet still very much in pain.
“Dinner WAS tomorrow night,” Jane agreed, “until Susan remembered Alex’s game and asked if we could switch. Since you told me you were coming home early, I just knew it wouldn’t be a problem--”
“So now you tell me about it.”
“I didn’t think I’d need to get you out of-- ” Jane grunted while attempting to remove the article from its death grip on her husband’s favorite manly bits. “What is this, anyway?”
“I think I managed to put it on backward, if that’s even possible.”
“What IS it?” Jane repeated, trying as unsuccessfully to stifle her laughter as she was in getting the thing off her husband.
“Well, you know… In that book you left on my nightstand… There was that one scene you had marked, and, well, you said,”
“I said read it, not reenact it! Gosh, Charlie – you look ridiculous! And I didn’t mean that part anyway. You were supposed to read two paragraphs down from there.”
“You’re the one who placed the post-it! How was I supposed to know what paragraph?”
“Well, how was I supposed to know you’d pull a stunt like this? We’ve only been married --”
“You said you wanted to try new things. Spice things up.”
“Charlie! This is not spice! This is salt in a wound!”
“Tell me about it.” Charlie winced. He reached out for her, at first Jane thought he wanted to steady himself, but instead her took her hand with one hand and lifted her gaze to his with the other. “Jane – I’m trying. I don’t want to lose the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Jane was taken aback. Was that a tear in Charlie’s eye? The thing must really be hurting him. She tried to move her hands back to help him out of it, but Charlie held her firmly. She could not hold his stare, and had to look away.
“Oh, good Lord, Charlie. I’m not going anywhere.”
“And I never want you to.”
“Ah, screw the bank.” Jane said. “Seth?!”
“Yeah, Mom?”
“Call the Paisleys. Tell them your dad got called back into work.”
They could hear Seth snort before he called back, “you want me to LIE to your friends?”
“If you do, then you can go ahead and order a pizza delivery.” Downstairs, they heard an undisguised whoop of “YES,” which Jane met with, “But only if they believe you, Seth, so no funny business.”
“Oh, man! So what’s really wrong with Dad?”
“He has a tick, OK? And it’s engorged.”
“A tick? Gross!”
“You wanna see it before I smash it?”
“Uh, no!”
“That’s what I thought. Get to calling.”
“You handled that very well, wife of mine and mother of the ape-boy.”
“I try. You handle me well, husband of mine and father of the man-child. He’s not getting any younger you know.”
“Would you go back to that part where I handle you well?”
“Yeah, sometimes, you do.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes, you do, too. In fact, pretty much all the time you do.”
“Oh, shut up and kiss me.”
Charlie did as he was told – and then some.


Be sure and tell me what you think! Romances are very popular in the book genre, and 50 Shades is a very popular novel. I don't want to write that. I want to write a series of humorous piece that established couples can relate to. Please let me know if I've done that, and suggestions to improve, if you have any.

Or maybe you are inspired to write for Wikinut yourself? Follow this link:


50 Shades, Charlie, Commitment, Jane, Marriage, Parody, Relationships, Romance, Spice

Meet the author

author avatar Phyl Campbell
I am "Author, Mother, Dreamer." I am also teacher, friend, Dr. Pepper addict, night-owl. Visit my website -- -- or the "Phyl Campbell Author Page" on Facebook.

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
29th Jun 2013 (#)

oh ho ho...a great story to tell...thank you Phyl....

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
29th Jun 2013 (#)

Thank YOU, CN, for reading it!

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
29th Jun 2013 (#)

you can call me carolina..CN has become SIN to some on this site...oh oh oh...u will love my fairytale about SINderella and the wicked witch Anisha....

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
30th Jun 2013 (#)

I'm sure I would, Carolina... Do you have it here? Is is also poetry, or is it prose?

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