The Suicide Letter

Akash Angs By Akash Angs, 2nd Apr 2018 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/43o-zd5d/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Narrative

A suicide is a certainty. People pontificate “suicide is a coward’s act”, couldn’t be further from the truth. But suicide takes tremendous courage that gets instigated by an overwhelming, unbearable emotional pain.

The Suicide Letter

“Perhaps I could have chosen a less lethal method that wouldn’t yield an excruciating and an unfathomable amount of agony. But then, there was no room for second thoughts and my mind was completely primed of what might happen & what I will have to go through to get this done. Each & every cell in my body was wholly filled with anger, vexation & dejection. I am aware that this is the sole pathway that would lead me into salvation and now the instrument of my redemption lies in my very hands projecting from its shiny surface a prescience of me lying on the ground in a pool of darkened blood.”

A suicide is a certainty. People pontificate “suicide is a coward’s act”, couldn’t be further from the truth. But suicide takes tremendous courage that gets instigated by an overwhelming, unbearable emotional pain. A suicidal ideation could be passive where the victim does not have a specific plan to carry out their death nor the gut it takes whereas an active ideation is where the victim knows what to do and isn’t afraid to do it no matter what and I am the latter.

I’ve appreciated life more than those imprudent pathetic fools to whom killing themselves is a thought that crosses their minds every time a small thing goes wrong, even when they have everything and yet are blind to see and be grateful for it. People resolve to theatrics to showcase the pain that dwells in them, however big or small, plainly affected by the exaggeration of the overthinking mind. The mind is a very treacherous place especially under the circumstances of depression. It has to be treaded carefully and wisely. Ending my life might not seem very wise in the eyes of others but to me, it is the wisest decision I’ve ever made. I’ve finally realized that there’s a world of difference between living happily ever after & just living ever after. The time has come for me to move on. I didn’t come to this decision lightly.

The only unquestionable effective weapon against anything in this world is the unaffected laughter that surges from one’s heart which can only mean the person is happy. Honestly, I don’t recollect the last time I had a good hearty laughter. I don’t remember the last time someone was there for me. I’ve forgotten how it feels to be loved & worse, to love. The one true thing that I remember is being alone. An unusual level of depression has materialized inside of me that blackened everything else about my life and confines me in a solitary prison of my own where there lies only hopelessness and anguish. A break from this dreadful inescapable loneliness is the closure that I’m about to give for myself, for all the things I did & the things I wish I had done.”


“Nicely done. That’s a credibly convincing suicide letter don’t you think? Anyone who reads it will never look past those lines” he said sitting straight opposite to me staring right at my face. When I looked at those cold blooded monstrous eyes, I knew he weren’t pretending in his words of threat.

“All you have to do now is accomplish your greatest feat as you’ve written in the letter & I’ll be on my way Mr Akash” he said smirking.

I am a successful journalist of the Daily Prophet. Inadvertently I happen to stumble upon some disturbing things about some very powerful people in the government and this is the price I have to pay for it. This is how they cover up their tracks & lose ends, nothing but the usual lie of a suicide. It’s not about my life that concerns me right now, even though I’m hell scared. He threatened to kill her, the one person whom I sill care about in the whole wide world. She isn’t in my life anymore but I can’t stop loving her & I’d do anything to ensure her safety.

“Alright, I will do as you wish but please leave her out of this. Nobody knows anything, not even her.” I said.

“Mr Akash, we know she doesn’t know anything, else you’d have been invited to her funeral. You’re the sole liability.”

My hands are sweaty and cold and I could sense my body quivering. I looked at the knife in my hand & it reflected the terror in my eyes through its shinning surface. I was tremendously afraid wiping the tears rolling down on my cheeks. My whole life flashed in front of me and I was reminiscing the most beautiful unforgettable moments but in a very dreadful situation. I looked at the greenish veins running through my left forearm just near the wrist. She always loved my muscled veins, I thought to myself. I lifted the knife and placed it over the skin overlaying my wrist and pressed it hard. I slowly started sliding it on the vein biting down on my teeth as the slicing of my own flesh was immensely painful. Blood started oozing from the cut & was dripping on the floor at my feet. The anxiety I was already in & now this pain made me feel giddy and my body started to go cold. I wanted to end this right now. In an instant, I gripped the knife tight and sliced off my wrist with a great brutal force & fell to the ground, covered in my own pool of blood.

Tags

For Loves Sake, Narrative Fiction, Narrative Story, Suicide Letter

Meet the author

author avatar Akash Angs
I like writing about things that are to be expressed in a passionate way to leave a mark in the reader's mind.

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