To The Aquarius

Rochelle Williams By Rochelle Williams, 8th Jul 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Letters

A letter to my ex with every piece of my mind pressed, mixed, and stuck together. Without anger, without sarcasm--just the truth. These are the thoughts and feelings I've had, as I've tried to understand why I keep thinking of him. There's only one simple reason.

Letter to My Ex

Dear Water Sign,

I write to you out of nowhere, having heavy thoughts of you weighing on my mind. I worry about you, foolishly. I think about you, assuming that you've forgotten all about me. I wonder if you're living, happy, healthy--all the things someone with an ounce of self-love and worth would not do. I cannot be completely cruel, but I'll never wish you the worst. I'll wish that we never cross paths again. How toxic would that be!

I am conflicted, very sure that I still love you, but having the wisdom not to make a fool out of myself with text or email. Such an advantage to have over me! To crush my spirit or manipulate me until you're through! This old soul doesn't need another trip through the ringer of emotional sorrow. I feel shame for thinking of you, knowing you don't ever think of me. Not fondly, anyway. When you are finished with things, you have a way of quick dissociation. When you're ready to return, you have the best excuses.

You were the one I truly fell in love with, and that is why this sickening attachment remains. I know in my heart and mind we cannot be friends. I realized heartbreaks ago that lovers were out of the question. I put the past in a jar and sent it off to sea. I only wondered this--why did you decide, again, to stop talking to me? Was it something I said? Did old memories of who I was flood your mind? Or, had the ship sailed, and you decided to discard of me?

It aches to want to know, and it's poison to my mind and heart to think of you. Why do we always take steps back when all is quiet on the homefront? I wish for new loves and friendships, but I think of what we could have been as just friends. I truly loved your company, and wanted nothing more. I didn't want another 2 month tryst, just your time. I wanted to be worth something to you, if possible. I put all my faith in someone who really did not have the same for me.

Tall one, you will never hear from me, nor I you. I don't need to contact you. I just need to stop dedicating poems and stories to old news. There's no real reason you're on my mind. I just don't know how to start over, when I thought I had everything in the palm of my hand years ago. When you stopped talking to me in November, it became clear--I just wasn't what you wanted anymore.

Words didn't matter, rapport didn't matter. Blog entries were meaningless. No matter what I wanted, your mind decided and moved on from me. Perhaps I was a stepping stone for a new event in your life, and you wanted one good look at the past before going into a better future. I cannot ask you why, I will not ask you why, and some things are better left unsaid. We can't spend time writing books in e-mails to explain ourselves. What do we owe but a lot of nothing to one another?

If friendship were meant to be, it would be as simple as "let's be friends". As it is not, our spirits and hearts soar in different directions. Our time was over long ago, and rekindling dying flames leaves raw feelings and re-opened wounds. All things come to an end. Much as I'd like to prove the world wrong, some things simply "aren't".

I accept this.

Be well,

Veronica

Tags

Acceptance, Letters To An Ex, Moving On, Peaceful Resolve

Meet the author

author avatar Rochelle Williams
Blogger, poet, painter of scenes and emotions. Chicagoan, amateur baker, lover of Prince.

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