What is it about love?

writtenbyQ4u By writtenbyQ4u, 20th Nov 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Columns & Opinions

After the lust and the frisson of initial excitement, how does a relationship move forward into to love?

love you and like you.

It is not until you are in love or have been in love, can you really understand what love could possibly mean. I am not talking about love of family. Familial love is, for the most part, intrinsic. You do not choose your family; parents, siblings, aunts and uncles and cousins are, for those lucky effort to have them, ready made to give love and be loved.
Romantic, spousal love, is different. With romantic love you - supposedly - get to choose who you are with. Easy. Not really.
With family, the love is expected, almost a duty even. You may not have asked for them, or chose them as relatives, but you are stuck with them. With a potential spouse, you can make a choice. Tall, short, fat, slim, black, white or yellow, you pick that which attracts you and hope that they feel the same way about you.
For the male of the species, looks are almost exclusively the first point of attraction. For women, there is something else. Whether it be financial or physical, women tend to seek security in a partner, even if that is not what initially sparks their interest.
None of this has anything to do with love. It is primal, animal attraction in the beginning; hormones wreaking havoc with common sense.
As you beginning to find out about one another, once the ferocious embers of lust begin to fade, that is when you really start to find your feet in the relationship.
Do they have any habits that are irritating but, in the infancy of the relationship, seemed endearing? Do you agree on money issues? If one of you is comfortable in a local cafe, the other only happy when receiving silver service, can that work?
Now sometimes, because you find someone so attractive - in a lustful way - you want the relationship to work. You fool yourself into believing it can work. After all, they are gorgeous, sexy, great in bed, what more could you want? How about compatibility?
Compatibility. A very important component in a relationship. The person who can make you feel comfortable to be yourself is rare. The person, who not only allows you to be yourself, but makes you want to be the best 'you', you can be, that is even rarer.
I believe love grows not only from attraction but, more importantly, from compatibility. A real love comes with commitment and communication. Commitment because, unlike family, you can walk away from a spousal relationship. Communication, so any issues can be resolved before the relationship is irreparably damaged. If you never talk, how can you know what one another wants? As much as we men hate it, talking does work.
Love and good relations take work, sometimes a lot of work. If the relationship is worth it - and a good union is more important than gainful employment - hard work is a small price to pay.


Family, Love, Relationships, Spouse, Work

Meet the author

author avatar writtenbyQ4u
I am a fitness instructor dreaming of being a film script writer. I tend to write - or rant! - about anything that takes my fancy.

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author avatar Funom Makama
21st Nov 2011 (#)

Great piece from a great mind. I love it.

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author avatar writtenbyQ4u
21st Nov 2011 (#)

thank you.

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