What's a Plumbers' Ball

Francie Lynch By Francie Lynch, 6th Feb 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2p7pjuww/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Poetry

Long humorous poem about the plumbing profession, read at the 75th anniversary of my good friend's business. A room full of plumbers... WOW!

What's a Plumbers' Ball

What's a Plumber's Ball


Strange question indeed,
So I asked one and all;
Explain to me:
“What's a plumber's ball?”

Family and friends
Heeded my call,
But none could confine,
Refine or define it,
Yet Paul was sure
He could design it.

Still, none could satisfy
My caterwaul:
“What the hell is a plumber's ball?”

Does it sweat the pipe
Or wiggle the snake:
Can it clamp the nipple
For Heaven's sake?
Could it snap on the cock-hole cover?
All these queries
Made me wonder.

Has it something to do
With hardness leakage,
Or screwing the ball-cock
To stop a seepage?
Has it anything to do
With a saddle valve dripping,
Electric eels,
Or two pipes mating?
And, I heard of male and female fittings,
And should I worry
If I'm standing or sitting?

If you're discharging the head
Or elongating the pipe,
Does the plumber's ball
Help it snug tight?
Is it in my tank,
Or in my bowl,
Beneath the floor
Near the drainage hole?
Is the plumber's ball
In the back of the truck
(Jeff laughed and said
One could rub it for luck).

I asked Michel
If he could tell,
He sensed it was something
He could smell.
I sought out Ray,
Perhaps he'd know,
But he was on call
To restrain a back-flow.
I couldn't ask Gary
For his wisdom and sense,
He was wigglin' the snake
To unclog a wet vent.
Henry, Rick, Scotty and Brian,
Gave shameless answers
I couldn't rely on.

It's not a crapper, tail piece
Or Johnnie-bolt,
Or catch basin, reamer,
O-ring or pipe dope.
So I searched the Net
With a fool's wonder,
And read of ball-checks,
Gas cocks and plungers.
I know it's too late
To ask Rolly or Ross,
For both of them knew,
And that's our loss.
And Ernie's gone golfing
So I can't ask the Boss.

With final resolve
I fell to my knees,
To pray St. Ferrer
With grace intercede.
His silence left me
In a state of depression;
Had Ferrer washed his hands
Of the plumbing profession?

So nothing could settle
My wherewithal,
I still didn't know,
What's a plumber's ball?

Suddenly, it hit me,
He's never wrong,
The Dalai Lama of dip-tubes,
I'll ask John.
Where others did falter,
John's a rock:
He knows the difference
Between a gas and ball cock.

With a knowing smile
He embraced our Hall:
Here, good friend, is your Plumbers' Ball.

Penned for the occasion of Saucier Plumbing and Heating 79th anniversay Ball.
Rolly and Ross were the original owners.
St. Ferrer is the patron saint of plumbing.
If you have such an event to attend, feel free to modify the above.
#toilets #plumbing

Tags

Plumber, Plumbing, Plumbing Problems

Meet the author

author avatar Francie Lynch
Born in County Monaghan, Ireland. Emigrated with family to Canada. Taught school for my career. Presently retired.

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Comments

author avatar Utah Jay
6th Feb 2015 (#)

It made me smile...Thanks...A good post.

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