When grown men cry

WOGIAM By WOGIAM, 23rd Apr 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Death>Celebration

Where i come from (Africa), men do not cry. Okay they hardly cry from a certain age, there is this unspoken and unsubstantiated belief that males from a certain age must always keep a strong face, crying, wailing, pain are regarded as female actions.

A pity as everyone should be able to cry and show vulnerable emotions when it is inevitable.

Tears at the loss of a Mother

I have not seen many adult men cry, so i was touched when one of my very good friends called Mike (a husband to my friend and father to my god-daughter), broke down in tears and had a good cry when he was told his mother had died suddenly.

His wife had confirmd that he was in a vulnerable state and on my condolence visit, i tried to be as light hearted and philosophical as possible, not much luck as he broke down in tears again, I cry easily and without guilt so i was moved very fast to tears and we both had a much needed crying session, to the atonishment of my children as they knew that i did not know the woman and they have never seen a grown man cry.

Back home, i talked with my children about emotions, telling them that, there was nothing wrong for people to be emotional and cry sometimes. Crying and talking are forms of therapies for many people, both actions help to release emotions and feeling which may otherwise be building up inside.
It is always better to let go and cope better, than harbour pain within.

Our friend is a wonderful and gentle man and used to regale me with stories of the sacrifies, his mother made to bring up his sister and himself. He loved her, took care of her and spoke to her very often though he had not seen her for over 5 years.
He had been working, planning and saving towards visiting our home country during the summer holidays, to see his mother especially but alas this is not to be now.

He would be travelling in a few days for the burial. O death where is thy sting?

After the tears

Mike is coping with the loss better and crying less. When i spoke to him yesterday, he mentioned that his beloved mother made him the man he is today, she taught him so much including the fact that showing emotions like crying, loving, griefing, playing, empathy were not restricted to the female folk, they never made anyone weaker, they make us all more human.


Celebration, Death, Loss, Pain, Tears, Vulnerable

Meet the author

author avatar WOGIAM
I read almost every and anything.
I love books, travelling (when I can afford to), cooking and eating.

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author avatar Retired
24th Apr 2015 (#)

Thank you for sharing! This took a lot of work and effort and it paid off. Thank you for approaching a topic some people would shun.

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
24th Apr 2015 (#)

Whoever said men do not dry has told you a lie. Can you believe it I cry even while watching a poignant scene in a movie. Of course, the tears come involuntarily. My wife and children used to make fun of me, but I continue to cry even now. Mind you I'm 76.

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author avatar Kingwell
24th Apr 2015 (#)

I was forty three years old when my mother died and believe me I had a good cry! Everyone needs to cry sometimes. Blessings.

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author avatar Helen Thomas
25th Apr 2015 (#)

Beautiful ~ WOGIAM. Thanks for sharing. The death of a close loved one can definitely bring involuntary tears ~ often over and over. Richest Blessings to you!

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author avatar Carol Roach
26th Apr 2015 (#)

yes men that cry are human, men that keep it in are human too but often get sick because they keep it in

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author avatar WOGIAM
26th Apr 2015 (#)

I am glad to read from GV Rama and Kingwell confirming that they are comfortable with showing the crying kind of emotion. Good for you guys.

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author avatar Retired
26th Apr 2015 (#)

Crying is an aspect of human grieving and loss and should not be reserved for the sole domain of women.

I do know of a man who cried when speaking to his wife of his Vietnam War experiences. That crying counted among the reasons she left him. The stigma remains for some.

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author avatar WOGIAM
27th Apr 2015 (#)

I am surprised anyone would be bothered by their spouse crying especially over a traumatic experience, such is life though. I agree that it is a crucial aspect of human emotions.

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author avatar Stella Mitchell
27th Apr 2015 (#)

tears are so releasing WOGIAM, and when they fall for the loss of a loved one's death they can bring healing where bottled up emotions have been known to cause untold problems .
God bless you
Stella ><

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author avatar vellur
28th Apr 2015 (#)

Crying is a form of relief though it will never take the pain away. Losing a mother is a great loss and tears will give some relief. Better to cry than bottle it all up.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
13th May 2015 (#)

My eyes do well up with tears though I try to bottle up my emotions. Yes in my circle, men are not supposed to cry, but many do still. Thanks Wogiam for the share - siva

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
16th May 2015 (#)

a good man thee be dear Wogiam..blessings...

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author avatar vandana7
27th May 2015 (#)

I agree. I think tears are natural outlet. If we are ok with thirst and hunger. We need to be ok with emotional requirements as well. My dad cried when I had a bad bout of chickenpox, which made me look almost as if I had small pox. Then again, he cried when I was suspected of having tuberculosis.

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author avatar Carol
30th May 2015 (#)

Nothing shameful about a man crying, emotion affects us all at times.

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author avatar brendamarie
28th Jun 2015 (#)

There is nothing wrong with men crying, crying is a release of emotion. There is no shame in men crying!!!

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author avatar peachpurple
27th Jul 2015 (#)

it is ok for grown men to cry but in chinese family it is a shameful act

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author avatar n.c.radomes
6th Aug 2015 (#)

When men do cry, no matter the age, it is a true sign that they're sad or in happy mood. Crying is a welcome release of emotions.

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