Who Lost my Mind? ... and Other Similar Questions

Peter B. GiblettStarred Page By Peter B. Giblett, 12th Jun 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/-mp_yvd0/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

Did you lose my mind, or did I? Not sure what happened, but at the moment it seems as if there are good days and bad, and worst of all it is necessary to take both in your stride, but how possible is that? Recovering can sometimes be a hard thing to do.

Since The Operation

It is now a month and a day since the corneal transplant in my left eye and one of the things that I do every day is try to find out how much better my eye is than it was yesterday, today I see no improvement in fact it is worse if anything.

I still remember the operation itself, which was a psychedelic experience, to a large extent I closed my right eye, but of course had no way to close my left eye as they worked on it, leaving a light show as the doctors worked with the laser beam across the surface of my eye. Eye surgery is not performed under general anaesthetic, although they do give numbing eye drops tat makes the whole area numb, so I did not feel anything, well nothing other than the doctor pressing down on my nose as he applied the stitches, which sent strange sensations across my whole body - he asked me later why I did dot say anything, but in truth I had been concentrating on not moving.

The operation was over in about 90 minutes, yet there are times when I have nightmares about the event and dream of being in the operation all over again, except this time I was being tied down and forced to go through it all again by people who wished to torture me. I guess the dreams will recede in time and the reason for the dreams being the perceived horror of the situation, rather than anything that actually happened. The daily need to know that my sight is improving is ongoing and the way that I can tell that is to cover my right eye completely (ensuring that my fingers close off any possibility of seeing over the bridge of my nose) and today it feels worse than last week, yet in truth things get better or worse according to how we feel in other ways and in truth I did not awaken this morning feeling good.

Wearing the Blind Man's Shoes again

Today things feel worse than they have for a few days. I have always been capable of rapid recovery from any ailment, yet how good I feel changes by the day and frequently by the hour. I tried walking to the kitchen while covering my good eye and while I can see everything, it is all blurred and too much of that will give me a headache, wait a minute - I already have one of those. What do they call a headache on top of another headache? A disaster!

There are times when I feel that once again I am walking in a blind man's shoes. Perhaps I should go back to bed to awaken later on with a fresh state of mind - well it could hardly be worse than this one could it? The headache feels to be the feature of the day and maybe rest would be the best thing, trouble is too much rest weakens the system (or so I think I have been told) and all to prove that I am once again in a blind man's shoes I am losing my ability to use logic and reason, but who needs them anyway? According to some they are a waste of space anyway.

I see the logic, but it refuses to see or recognise me, perhaps things are worse than I feared, mush - mush worse (you see I cant even spell), then Wikinut refuses to save what I say, or is that a conspiracy? Of course the trouble with conspiracies is that they are all to often the figment of the melted mind - which is where mine is right now.

Have I lost my Mind?

Lost? What do you mean? Surely your mind is in your brain, which is in your head (safe and sound) - trouble is when I reach inside my head it all feels like mush and when I try to remember things I do not know what day of the week it is or the direction for up and down. Have I lost my mind as well as my ability to see? My memory resembles that of a sieve rather than that of a cognitive thinking person, not that I have ever known what memory looks like (other than that which you plug into a computer, yet I know the human memory does not resemble a computer, or is that the problem - have I lost my central processing unit?

Perhaps I put it down on the desk a while ago while checking if my eyes were working. Who needs to think anyway - the whole thing is completely overrated! Maybe it is time that I walk away like an automaton and be a zombie for the rest of my life.

What is that mess all over the desk and why does my head feel so empty? Was I away so long that cobwebs grew over everything?

Pictures and Images

The pictures and images used come from the following locations:

  • Corneal Transplant from poster.
  • Blind Man's Shoe by Peter Giblett.
  • Empty Mind by changeforbetterme
  • Nobody move by ShutUpImStillTalkin

Other Writing by Peter

Peter Giblett regularly publishes here on Wikinut and contributes a regular column on 2 Drops of Ink, a site dedicated to the improvement of writing, grammar, and prose. Recent works on Wikinut include:

Wikinut is great a place to share some of your own personal wisdom by adding a comment or becoming a writer, join Wikinut and write.

Tags

Corneal Transplant, Forced, Headache, Laser Beam, Lost Mind, Perceived Horror, Psychedelic Experience, Recovering, Stitches, Tied Down

Meet the author

author avatar Peter B. Giblett
Author of "Is your Business Ready? For the Social Media Revolution"

Social media consultant, with C-Level background.

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Comments

author avatar snerfu
14th Jun 2015 (#)

The picture of Daffy says how things are...from Daffy's point of view at least. Wish you a quick recovery.

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author avatar Legend
14th Jun 2015 (#)

Wishing rapid and effective recovery!

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author avatar Peter B. Giblett
14th Jun 2015 (#)

Snerfu & Legend - Hope you enjoyed the humour of it.

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author avatar Ptrikha
15th Jun 2015 (#)

All is right if you can write such a thoughtful and witty article, just a few days after such a surgery. Wish you speedy recovery, and I liked your other article on research as well.

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author avatar Peter B. Giblett
15th Jun 2015 (#)

Ptrikha, There have been some dark and trying moments, but I thought the best way to approach it all was to see the funny side if at all possible.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
14th Jun 2015 (#)

I do hope you will get better than ever before Peter. You have a long way to go in life.

I had only a cataract surgery with lens implant in one eye and I have had enough The other eye I hope will outlast me! I am not the same person I was last year, enough said! siva

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author avatar Peter B. Giblett
14th Jun 2015 (#)

My wife had the cataract surgery, which was over in 10 minutes, mine was much more torturous, Thanks for the comment.

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author avatar Carol Roach
15th Jun 2015 (#)

my boyfriend too is having problems with his eyes for years now

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author avatar Peter B. Giblett
15th Jun 2015 (#)

He should certainly take care of his eyes. Last years shock of going blind for a few days made me re-evaluate everything about my sight.

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author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
17th Jun 2015 (#)

Peter, I absolutely loved this article. I'm so sorry you are not back to your old self as of yet but everything takes time. Even with the seriousness of this article I couldn't help but smile while reading each and every word. You have definitely not lost your sense of humor. I wish blessings to you during your recovery. Hugs and smiles to you today and always.

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author avatar Peter B. Giblett
17th Jun 2015 (#)

Nancy, The bulk of this was written on a day when I felt really, really, bad, but looking at it later I felt it needed humour added to it.

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author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
17th Jun 2015 (#)

Peter, I must say you did a wonderful job in adding humor. I simply loved it. I do hope you are feeling much better.

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author avatar Peter B. Giblett
17th Jun 2015 (#)

I am feeling good today.

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author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
17th Jun 2015 (#)

Thank goodness!

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author avatar akram saqib
20th Jun 2015 (#)

what does this 'article'tells and what is its standard?

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author avatar akram saqib
20th Jun 2015 (#)

it is approved because you are one of the chief nuts?

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author avatar Peter B. Giblett
20th Jun 2015 (#)

Akram - This is offered as a humerus piece, based on personal experience.

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author avatar Retired
25th Jun 2015 (#)

There's nothing wrong with your mind, Peter, and glad to read the previous comment to know that the piece was offered with some humor.

You are dealing with a surgery that promised better results than what you got. A friend had an epi-retinal membrane removed from his eye with near total loss of vision in it, followed by a complete retinal detachment with the same membrane growing over the other eye. I know his desperation and think yours is much of the same, despite your accepting it with a measure of humor. This is what writing does...it helps us cope.

So keep the writing coming and continue to find what humor there is our emotional and physical suffering. Some of us out here can relate.

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author avatar Peter B. Giblett
25th Jun 2015 (#)

LeRain, I was at Toastmasters a few years ago and one their principles is that there is only one person you can take a dig at, yourself. Writing about pain sounds so depressing unless you turn it into humour.

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