GV Rama RaoStarred Page By GV Rama Rao, 30th Sep 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Columns & Opinions

The travails of GVR, a writer in a basement.
Here you find two words: spags which means spelling and grammar mistakes and ESL means English as Second Language.


As the moon rose and bathed the town it promised a splendid evening but not for GVR crouched on the floor in the basement and busy mopping all the spags. The bucket next to him filled to the brim and his sweat shirt stank. He stood, dragged his feet and dumped the contents in the huge trash can. As he pulled the sticky shirt over his head, he heard footsteps and stopped midway. Mrs. Doomore stood at the door and shouted, “Hey GVR, you done with the work I gave you?”
“Yes, ma’m,” he said and took out the bandana marked ESL around his forehead.
“Hungry and thirsty, may I come up for a break?”
“Who will do all the work? I’ll send some sandwiches and a beer. You continue your work, OK?”
“What work ma’m? I thought I am done here.”

The basement.

“You think so? See that cupboard to the right. Take out all the adverbs, clean the cobwebs and replace them with strong verbs from the bin on the right to make it smell good. ”
“Yes ma’m.”
“See the closet on the left. Take out all the clichés and throw them in the trash can. Hubby is allergic to them. Got it?
“Yes ma’m.”
“I see a lot of misplaced metaphors lying on the deck in the corner. Sweep up the place. I still see a few spags on the floor, why?”
“Yes, ma’m. I have been at it since morning. See the trash can is full.”
Mrs. Domore lifted the lid of the trash can and closed it in a flash, for the stink was too much. She puckered her brow when she found one corner littered with unnecessary dialogues. Irritated, she kicked some out of her way and said, “Weed out all this stuff. I’ll ask Pat to get a bigger one.”
She had pulled an overhead drawer and took out the speech tags and easy beats.
“Here, take these and use them carefully to make the dialogues sizzle.” She did a jig to illustrate how they should sizzle.
“I’m tired ma’m. OK, if I do these tasks tomorrow?”
“Finish your assignment quickly and go to sleep, but finish you must.”
“If you say so, ma’m.”

Work and more work.

As she walked up to the steps, she stopped. “What are these messy things doing here?”
“What ma’m? I don’t know what they are and what to do with them.”
“You see those hanging from the wire; they are dangling modifiers and the blinking ones are the squinting types. You got to put these wretched things in the right places. OK?”
“I don’t know how to do it.”
“It’s easy, just like moving chess pieces. Don’t fret. I’ll send Pat to show you what to do with them. That will be all for today,” she said and left the basement.
Pat took his own time to bring the sandwiches and beer. GVR slogged mopping his brow every few minutes. Finally, when Pat came he tossed a bag and a beer can.
“What took you so long Pat? I was starving.”
“Don’t you know? My brother Nat and I are going for the publishers’ ball tonight. I was dressing up. Hey I forgot, mummy gave me a bag full of commas and asked you to sprinkle them when you are done with other work.”
“How you going to the ball, Pat?”
“Why, in our family Lincoln Continental of course?”
“OK, Pat, you’re lucky guys.”
“I guess so,” he said and left.
GVR had what passed as his supper and continued with his toils. He found the going tough and his eyelids drooping. When he was halfway through with metaphors, he rested his head on the ground and drifted into sleep.

Angel's visit.

He woke up when a hand gentled his sour shoulder. “Now what? he said in a tone not too gentle. A soft glow of light filled the room, and he could see a smiling face looking at him. The face with an aura and a hallo around looked kind and caring.
“I’m the write angel to help you.”
“I can’t believe it. Nobody helps me.”
“Believe me. I want to send you to the publishers’ ball tonight.”
“How can I? I didn’t have a bath, have no clothes and transportation. Above all, what will I do there?”
A dust covered MS GVR had written some years back flew out of some corner. The angel threw it to him to catch and asked him to rid the dust off it.
“Take it with you,” the angel said.
“I received sixty rejection letters for this.”
“Never mind, GVR, I ask you to take it.”
“OK, if you say so, but how do I go and what do I wear?”
“It’s child’s play for me. Remember I’m an angel.” With a wave of the hand, the angel transformed GVR into a well dressed and well groomed gentleman exuding confidence.
“There is a Jaguar with a full tank in the driveway, and you’ll find a wallet with a wad of hundred dollar bills in the dashboard next to the car papers.”
“Thanks. When do you want it back?”
“No, you can keep it.”

Angel's request.

“Hey, look it’s all going off rails. I am no young girl, but a man in my seventies. You don’t want me to return the Jaguar by midnight.”
“I’m a male angel,” he said and laughed.
“I thought all angels are females. Why are you helping me? Gay?”
“Don’t fear. I’m here to help as I saw you slogging for years in this basement. You need a break.”
“Thanks. It’s a great relief. I’m dying to get out of this hell hole.”
“Now, what’s your plan?” the angel asked with a benign smile.

My plan of action.

“I’ll be Captain Writer and help any writer in trouble. I’m sure there are many slogging away in the heartbreak alley with nothing but rejection letters to their credit. I’ll help them every which way.”
“I’m glad you embarked on a noble mission. You shout whenever you need my help, OK?”
“Thanks, but I can’t believe why you are doing all this for me. It’s better than a fairy tale.”
“The fairy tales have become stale and need a spin. We want you to rewrite all those tales to give us a makeover, a new makeup and designer clothes. Look I’m fed up with these white dresses and awful, heavy wings. I want to throw this harp and get a modern instrument.”
“A saxophone? How does it sound?”
“Anything, but not this bloody harp and heavy wings.”
“A supersonic Angelocopter, would it do?”
“What’s that?”
“Something akin to a Batomobile used by Batman.”
“I’ve no idea.”
“You mean you don’t watch movies in heaven?”
“Hardly, we don’t get time running all errands of God.”
“Poor you. You’re missing things.”
“Believe me, it’s not worth being an angel,” he said and vanished.


Angel, Angels, Ball, Basement, Fable, Fabulous, Grammar, Harp, Help, Helping Hand, Helping Others, Modifiers, Wings, Writing, Writing A Novel, Writing Skills, Writing Tips

Meet the author

author avatar GV Rama Rao
I am a retired naval officer and a published author with three books to my credit. I am a winner of nanowrimo competition for 2008,9, &10. I like humor best..

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author avatar Retired
30th Sep 2012 (#)

Highly entertaining...I chuckled quite a few times. Clever and creative. He he he

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
30th Sep 2012 (#)

Amma rd,
Many thanks for your visit and comment.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
30th Sep 2012 (#)

Imaginative and humorous, GVR, thanks - siva

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
1st Oct 2012 (#)

Thanks Siva for your appreciation.

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author avatar zed
30th Sep 2012 (#)

Great article there! Very creative :)

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
1st Oct 2012 (#)

My dear Zed,
Welcome to my space and thanks for your comment.

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author avatar LadyQueen
1st Oct 2012 (#)

Creative and funny.

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
2nd Oct 2012 (#)

My dear LadyQueen,
Welcome to my space and thanks for your appreciation.

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author avatar M G Singh
2nd Oct 2012 (#)

Nice and creative post

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
2nd Oct 2012 (#)

Thanks for your visit and comment.

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
14th Oct 2013 (#)

most interesting GV...thank you...

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