put my heart back together

hotcheetos By hotcheetos, 14th Jul 2017 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1pqnmwm4/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Poetry>Fictional Verse

After this relationship I feel as though I have PTSD. No joke. I have never been dragged through the mud like this before. I'm just thanking God that it is over.

put my heart back together

this has really taken
the wind out of my sails
I find it hard to believe
that I am still struggling
to come to terms with it
still struggling to come to terms
with what she is
she is not what I thought she was
it's hard to wrap my head around
I know one thing for sure
I cannot go back to her again
I can't
I won't
this is the third time she has broken
up with me
I cannot do this anymore
I have to fight my way through this
get over her
past her
let her go
I do not want what we had
that toxic mess
she will never change
she is what she is
I cannot be with someone I cannot trust
and I will never be able to trust her
she cheated on her ex-husband
she cheated on me
the crazy thing is
she actually believes she can be trusted
how fucked up is that
I have never dealt with anyone like her before
someone who is so self-centered
self-absorbed
someone who has no empathy
or respect for other people's relationships
she has no self-respect
no integrity
I do not think she actually feels anything at all
I have got to stay away from her
but we work together in the same department
and she keeps calling me over to help her
I want her to leave me alone
I do not want to see her
I do not want to hear her
I want to get as far away from her as possible
she has messed with my head
made me question my own sanity
made me doubt myself
and kick myself for allowing her to treat me
like I was a thing rather than a person
why would I allow someone to do that
where was my self esteem
where was my self-respect
why didn't I walk away sooner
I let her get the best of me
she was never good for me
there was a time I would not have allowed
someone to treat me that way
was it because I believed I really loved her
the questions keep rolling around in my head
I keep replaying the whole terrible
and confusing relationship over
and over
in my head
trying to make some kind of sense out of it
but it's like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube
I swear
I feel like I have post-traumatic stress disorder
after this ordeal
I've never had someone break up with me
over and over again
as if it were no big deal
as if I meant nothing to them
as if I were nothing
I keep thanking God that it is over
I feel more anger than anything else
it's over
I just want to accept that
and move on down the road
put as much distance between me
and her
as I can
while I put my heart back together

Tags

Poem, Poetry

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