the candle burns out

hotcheetos By hotcheetos, 22nd May 2017 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/31g8wf-y/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Fictional Verse

This actually came from a book I was working on years ago. The book got put on the back burner and was never finished.

the candle burns out

it was starting to hit me hard
the new job
the wife's unemotional
and tearless
farewell
I found myself about to break down
at the most inopportune times
I'd be standing on the corner
at the grocery store
cooking dinner
driving home
on the phone
or someplace
anyplace
but usually at work
and this overwhelming urge
to burst into tears
would come over me
I kept asking myself
"what the hell is wrong with you"
man up
so you were married for 15 years
and the wife decided to dump your ass
get over it
move on
make the most of the situation
my 9-year-old son
was taking it better than I was
I was actually starting to physically feel it
in my chest
this growing ache
inside of me
surrounded by an ever widening void
I felt as though
there had been a death in the family
and
of course
me being me
I had to analyze it
I had to roll it around
on my mind's tongue
savoring every last drop of it
until it dissolved into nothingness
hey yeah
I know what I'll do
instead of letting this overwhelming
feeling of loss just wash through me
I'll lay it out
examine it
prod it with some probes
and see what makes it tick
maybe stick it under a microscope
while I'm at it
sure why not
oh hey
and here's another idea
why don't I just pick up that pen on my desk
and jab myself in the eye
wouldn't that be a hoot
yeah
I'd hoot all the way to the hospital
I kept telling myself
I've got to get past this
I've got to stop dwelling on it
and allowing my imagination
to run away with me
then I would imagine my wife
with someone else
and it would tear at my soul
I felt sick inside
I felt all of these things
all of these fears
but the most overwhelming feeling
was the sense of loss
loss
the word hung out there on a brightly lit marquee
one of those Vegas strip marquees
complete with zany moving lights
that capture your whole attention
you wouldn't think the feeling of loss
could be so tangible
so real
after all
loss is supposed to be a sense of emptiness
it means something isn't there anymore
right
well guess what
loss can feel horrible
I don't know that horrible even begins to cover it
maybe horrific
or devastating
all I know is
it was terrible
I had never felt anything like it before
right then though
I had no idea it was going to get worse
I'm talking about
out of the frying pan
and into the fire worse
if I had known
in the beginning
what was coming
would I have saved myself a lot of grief
and never married her
that's a good question
would you stay home
if you knew when you left home
to go to the grocery store
you were going to be involved
in a horrible wreck
that would change your life forever
but then again
I would never have had my son
tragic wreck or not
now the question that came to mind was
is he worth all the suffering
I was about to endure
at her hands
the answer is an unequivocal yes
he was worth it
and then some

Tags

Poem, Poetry

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Comments

author avatar Memba Ben
29th May 2017 (#)

Hi Hotcheetos

I'd just like to thank you for sharing this poem and am glad that you managed to find a silver lining in your proverbial dark clouds.

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