the cost of giving it away

hotcheetos By hotcheetos, 11th Aug 2017 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2y82n_k7/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Fictional Verse

Falling apart can be so fascinating; especially if you try to look at it from outside yourself. This poem explores the concept of the past colliding with the present.

the cost of giving it away

I think
I may be having a nervous breakdown
but then I wonder
how will I know
if I am having a nervous breakdown
maybe I won't realize it
until someone points it out to me
someone will say
hey
did you know
you are having a nervous breakdown
and I will say
oh
really
thanks for pointing it out to me
that must be why I'm shaking uncontrollably
babbling incoherently
and laughing hysterically
for no particular reason
yeah
so
I had not eaten or slept in days
and I thought it might be a good idea
to drink a bottle of bourbon
and chase it with a handful of valium
I woke up two days later
face down on the floor
headful of fog
insides wrapped in barbed wire
body aching
yeah
so
I drank way too much
and took a few too many pills
the combination of which
left me floating somewhere
between the living and the dead
the hours passed
the days
as I slowly crawled
on hands and knees
out of the shadow of the grave
through a cloudy daze
back toward the light
back into my life
away
from those chemically induced memories
of firefights
fox holes
and burning Hueys
I heard my mind say
you have got
to get your head on straight
yeah
so
got to get it together
ignore the feeling
that this life
is finally ending
that I may never mend
God
are you up there
are you listening
are all my prayers echoing
through an empty endless void
all her lies and deceit came so easily
and now
there isn't much left of me
my love has flown away
through blood shot eyes
I watch the burning sun rise
then
at the end of the day
I just want to forget
even as it is the one thing
I cannot stop thinking about
the best advice I have received
stop struggling
just
stop
struggling
no doubt
yeah
so
I'm starting to understand
why he pretended to be the woman
and she fought so hard to be the man

Tags

Poem, Poetry

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