~Letters from the Monastery of My Heart: X~

WordWulf By WordWulf, 3rd Mar 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Letters

~Stratification of existence~voices ringing~people fear death more than pain~loneliness more than both~strange~without music life would be a mistake~from the garbage dump~in love there is no wrong~long years of it erased by a moment of hatred~

~Letters from the Monastery of My Heart: X~

~A Child Left Alone~

There is no one in this life to trust, beginning with those who say they love you most. Life is a steamroller of distractions, loyalties and responsibilities, a confusion of ends. “It’s not that I don’t love you but I must go there, meet them, do that; you wait.” Anger is the stepchild of child abuse.

There are nine faces hanging in the mist, Gods and demons, siblings of Christ. Mother must have worn a deep masque, a shelter from the onslaught of life to hide her hate, to hide her love, to hide her rising up from her dying bed trampled by a herd of geese grazing.

You are a church woman, a saloon woman, a sycophant of shared spirituality. Careful where you hunt, lobo, I tell myself. These sheep will tear out your lonely heart in a roomful of hugs and kisses, group gropes, barstool, pew, gentlemen dancing between her legs.

We kept the baby warm in the straw. It stunk of vomit and goat piss, our father with his eighty cent bottle wine and the horned creatures with devil eyes. My brother, the thief, shoplifter, fed us. Mother, woman, can’t you see it is cold in here. Have you no mercy for the icicles driven into my heart.

Let me tell you something about yourself, woman, the grim totality of your love and spirit, how you confirmed and verified my existence. I feel as if my license to love has expired. It seems appropriate I’d be ill in this lonely room, die a thousand mini deaths each night which is why I came to be here.

At the end of my travails there is light. The transparency behind me has exploded into full view. My monsters are hiding under the bed waiting to take me with them. Thoughts of you hold them at bay. In spite of yourself, you manage to save me night after night.

~Tom (WordWulf) Sterner~
~Letters from the Monastery of My Heart: IX~
~Whiskey Man~
~Whither Go Watching~

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Comments

author avatar Denise O
3rd Mar 2011 (#)

I am at a loss for words. A very powerful and to the point letter. great writing.
As always, thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar Rathnashikamani
3rd Mar 2011 (#)

You've a great imagery!

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author avatar WordWulf
3rd Mar 2011 (#)

Good to hear from you, Denise. Thank-you both!-)

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